Near the beginning of 2015, Lee and I started talking about how hard it was to do the things we used to do. Over the years of our marriage, we've spent a lot of time trying to start losing weight. We made a lot of mistakes, tried fad diets, started exercising but stopped for months at a time, etc. Most of our hurdles were psychological. We both suffer from depression and extremely low self-esteem. Every set-back set off our self-hatred and we would blame ourselves and tell ourselves we could never succeed.
So what started the change? Our faith. Honestly. A few years ago, Lee and I started reading the scriptures, praying, and going to church again. It was slow going for that, too, but as we started having success, and building our testimonies in Heavenly Father and Jesus, our self-confidence began to grow as well. We attribute all of the great things that have happened in our lives over the last few years to Heavenly Father. Without His help, and our willingness to do what is right, we might not even be here at this time. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I really believe it to be true. Without His love, guidance, and our faith in Him and each other, I know our depression would have either taken our lives or put us in a much worse state.
This picture is from March 31st and April 1st of last year. This is when we first started out. There have been a lot of ups and downs, most of them not recorded here. It was so much easier at the beginning to be motivated and work at losing weight. We have noticed as time went on that a lot of that motivation has dwindled.
Over the last month and a half, we've had bad illnesses, injuries, holidays (which everyone can agree is bad for staying healthy), financial difficulties, and so much more that has gotten in the way with exercising and eating right. The truth is, however, that we just let it get in the way. We know it.
It's been hard getting motivated again. We've fallen back on old habits: exercising only when we feel like it, eating more unhealthy foods and less healthy foods, etc. I admit that I miss going walking with Lee. It was great to get outside, away from home, enjoying the sunshine and nature. It was great talking with Lee about things without anything getting in the way. We don't have that connection when we do aerobics. Don't get me wrong, I love doing Sweatin' to the Oldies with Lee. He can make almost anything fun. However, I think it's harder for me to be motivated to do on my own when Lee can't exercise with me, and the same for him. At least when we were walking, we both enjoyed going out on our own if we had to. However, Lee's problems with his heel haven't improved and Sweatin' is easier on his heel; we just need to find those motivators that will help keep us going.
These pictures were the last pictures we took. This was in November. This was another motivator that we got away from. I think when we stopped walking and started exercising inside, we forgot about pictures. We don't have anything more recent, but we are going to try to get some done this week.
Today we went to get weighed again. Surprisingly, and happily, Lee has lost more weight!!!! We didn't start tracking our weight until June last year, but he started then at 533.6 lbs and today he weighed in at 509.8!!! We're trying to find out from our doctor what his highest weight was recorded as, but we know that he started around 580. This is his lowest weight in over 5 years, and he lost 11 lbs since we weighed in last month!!!! While we were still at the hospital where we got weighed, Lee was very excited abut losing 11 lbs. He turned to a guy who was walking past and told him about his weight loss. The guy told him congratulations and that it was a great accomplishment. We were feeling pretty excited. As we approached our vehicle outside, we heard a siren turn on and off. It is a hospital so the siren isn't unusual, but it was just a few feet behind us and was just for a second so it caught our attention. We turned around and there was a Highway Patrol vehicle driving on the road behind us: it was the guy that Lee had talked to and he was pumping his arm and smiling at us! We had had no idea he was a cop! For us, it was a really cool moment to be sharing this victory with someone we didn't know. Then when he showed his support again, it was even more cool! What a great guy!
Once again, my weight has gone up. I am at 291.6 lbs. This is higher, by 2 pounds, than I've been since June. If I want to be honest, I'm getting very discouraged. I'm almost ready to start starving myself. What is it going to take for me to lose weight? A part of me doesn't want to say any of this. Lee gets very discouraged and volunteers to stop losing weight so that I'm not alone. It's very sweet that he cares so much about me, but it's encouraging to me when he loses weight and does so well. I'm so proud of him, and I would feel worse if he stopped because of me. I don't really know what I'm going to do, but I'm not going to give up. I guess that's something, right?
We have a mantra that we say when we start to get discouraged, when we need to boost our attitudes, or when we're encouraging each other: "TEAM EARL!" Our team includes each other, Heavenly Father, Jesus, the Holy Ghost, our families (here and on the other side), our friends, and each of you who have supported us through the last few years. Thank you for all your love, encouragement, and support! Here's to another year, a healthier year, and more weight lost!
